You smell like a Billy Joel song
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
