i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
