I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize