It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
