I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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