just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
