the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize