He uses pillows to masturbate.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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