my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
