I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
