i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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