Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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