just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
