dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
