I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
bring money and cleavage
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
