My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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