how can u be prego again
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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