Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Come on in and take your pants off
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