i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
