i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize