We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
love makes seman taste better
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
