1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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