in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
