I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
