I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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