Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
