She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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