i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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