Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize