This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
