Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
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