I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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