Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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