Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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