I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
