my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
