covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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