Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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