did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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