Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize