you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
