I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
