FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
