Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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