Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
