Whod you bang
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
