Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
