I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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