some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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