Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
