Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
