sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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