genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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