had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
