So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
