Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
