I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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