Apparently you make a good broom.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
