but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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