so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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