Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize