I need to stop coming to work sober
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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