i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
