God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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