Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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