I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
