We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
