So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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