just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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