Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
