It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
