Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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