You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
