i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
