I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
