Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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