I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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