i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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