tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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