he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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